Goodbye, Malini!...for now

So I began this blog to help me cope with everything going on. I almost forgot to make sure the kids were handling it okay. They’re resilient, sure. They will play their games and go on YouTube or whatever. But ultimately this is a time where they can’t socialize beyond a screen. They can’t learn the same way. Their worlds are turned upside-down just as much as ours are. And that’s not something that should have to be experienced at such a young age. To be quiet fair, they’re handling it remarkably well. I hope they’re open to share with us if they are struggling.

Evie’s best friend, Malini will be leaving next Wednesday. They’re moving to North Carolina. Evie found out this would be happening, but maybe not until the school year is over. Now, in the middle of sheltering in place, she wouldn’t even be able to hug her best friend good bye.

Before finding out, she wanted to make her an amigurumi for her birthday back on March 31st. She decided on a giraffe because Malini likes those and Evie picked out the yarn and I ordered it on Amazon. After it arrived, I taught Evie how to crochet and make the pattern. To be honest, she already watched some videos and was doing great on her own.

Then last week, Malini announced they would be leaving in a week (turned out to be a little longer) and Evie rushed to me to ask for my help in finishing the giraffe to make sure she could give it. I told her that of course I would. And, of course, she finished it on her own.

We went to their house yesterday so we could drop it off and so Evie could see Malini one last time before she leaves. It was the first time since quarantine that the kids have left the house. We kept to social distance and Evie left it on the ground so Malini’s dad could pick it up and spray it first. Malini absolutely loved it. (In fact, Melissa sent us a picture today of Malini hugging the giraffe while also wearing a Harry Potter bracelet that Evie made her with a caption “it never left her side all day.”) We had a great time getting to know the parents Melissa and Sat and Zach was mostly behaved while the girls got to chat.

We said our goodbyes and were wrapping up when Malini was cleaning up some lawn chairs that they take out every evening. Evie quietly said, “Bye Malini” in the saddest voice. Like she was just coming to the realization that this was happening right now. Melissa had Malini say goodbye again, which was sweet. But the way Evie sounded absolutely broke my heart. It was similar to the way she came to me when asking for my help in finishing the giraffe. Not panic, but concern and sadness that this part of her young life is changing. I’m truly sad for her.

My empathy is sometimes debilitating. I like that I can relate, but I wonder if I might be taking this harder than she is. I want her to be so happy. And Malini brought that to her. A true best friend, as Melissa said. I agreed: someone that you can be yourself with and not have to worry about judgment of any kind.

But I can’t make the world different. I can’t change what others will do. She’ll have tough situations to deal with (sooner than I care to admit) and she’ll need to get through them on her own. Of course we will be there for support, but she’ll need to figure out how to go about it in her own way. I can’t deprive her of those experiences and life lessons. I’m sure she’ll make new good friends - she really does know how to read people and make the right friends.

We also fantasized with Sat and Melissa that they’ll open up a veterinary clinic: Shwarma & Simon. They both want to go to vet school and I hope that can start a path of school and roommates in just over 7 years. But who knows what life will bring. I do feel strongly that they will be in each other’s lives again. And that they will be lifelong friends - that’s how real their friendship, as best friends, really is.

But for right now, I am sad for her. Several of her good friends have moved away or changed schools. I know she knows she has nothing to do with it, but I’m sure those thoughts would creep into her head from time to time, too. She is truly a special, amazing person. I don’t just want what’s best for her and for her to be happy because I’m her dad: I want all those things and more because she is an amazing little girl that really deserves them. I am a better person just for knowing her and I love all the moments I get when hanging out with her. Even if it’s just crocheting together while watching some favorite shows in the middle of a pandemic.

First Post

First added this to my personal blog about the kids, but realized that didn't make sense.  So started a new blog.

Last Tuesday, March 17th, six Bay Area counties were told to shelter-in-place, only going out to get essentials.  This was extended to all of California two days later.  Then more states started following suit.  I'm sure there's plenty of documentation of all this by the time I read this again, or maybe I'll add more later, but I won't go into details.

Not sure what I'll write on here.  This is more of a ramble to keep me sane.  That'll definitely be another topic:  how to stay sane indoors.  Actually, this'll be my "notes" for future posts:

• How to stay sane indoors
• Stupid millennials not obeying stay at home orders
• Flattening the curve

And for now, what are the effects of this?

Divorce Rates Rise

This was easy to predict.  Everyone goes crazy being cooped up and unable to take your liberties whenever and whatever you want.  Being locked up in the same space as your significant other can be contentious and forced interactions can lead to additional arguments that might set each other over the edge.  Already seen before our shelter-in-place began in China.

It's important to exercise!  Let out aggressions.  Get fresh air.  At least get your me time!  Fortunately, my wife is amazing and gets all this and is really easy going.  I'm certain at some point those things have a limit and will need to give each other space, but so far, so good.  In all fairness, she only came home from work on Monday, but she's been home since Friday (PTO) with only a slight time away Monday morning before she was sent home before lunch.

Higher Birth Rates

The opposite of the above:  couples spending time together will lead to additional procreation.  Look for increased birth rates in December onward (for however long this lasts).  Maybe even after it ends due to celebration?  These last two can even overlap:  disproportionate rate of births for unwed couples, divorced couples, who knows what else.

Alcoholism, Liver Disease

Probably not a ton, and often jokes.  But maybe this isn't such a joke.  Hopefully a small increase, but probably something significant nonetheless.

People Get Out of Shape

It's hard to work out at home, but also without an accountability buddy.  Lots of options for home workouts, but that takes self-discipline, too.  Maybe if you're getting to the gym, but there's also a lot less motivation these days.  Maybe people don't renew gym memberships when it's time to go back, too?

More to come.